Friday, May 18, 2007

Please say it IS so!


Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A : Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... Don't
waste them on exercise . Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up
your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can
extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer?
Take a nap.
____________ _________ _________ __
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A : You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay
and corn. A nd what are these? Vegetables . So a steak is nothing more
than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system.
Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass
(green leafy vegetable). A nd a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products
____________ _________ _________ __
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A : No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled
wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get
even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain.
Bottoms up!
____________ _________ _________ __
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A : Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to
one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
____________ _________ _________ __
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular
exercise program?

A : Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!
____________ _________ _________ __
Q: A ren't fried foods bad for you?

A : You're not listening... . Foods are fried these days in vegetable
oil. In fact, they're permeated ! in it. How could getting more
vegetables be bad for you?
____________ _________ _________ __
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A : Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You
should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
____________ _________ _________ __
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A : Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable. It's the
best feel-good food around!!
____________ _________ _________ __
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A : If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
____________ _________ _________ __
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A : Hey! 'Round' is a shape! !
____________ _________ _________ __
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had
about food and diets.

And remember: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the!
intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body,
but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in
the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming,
"WOO HOO, What a Ride!"

1 comment:

mackeydoodle said...

He he he...this all sounds good to me!