Love

I think I would love for my children to know real, true, meaningful, lasting love. I think this is very rare. Love that last and is shinning even through the day to day of everything that threatens to dull it. Love that shows you what life means to be lived. Love that makes evertthing you do brighter. Love that lets you know you are really living.

Not short lived love. That one that comes on so strong that it can't last. Not the one that fades before you know it. Not friendship love. I am talking about real, meaningful, love. Love that makes you look at your love and brings the tears. Love that says, I know who you really are. I know what you are about. I know you. Love that allows you to grow with each and every day. Makes your love only days ago feel so...young. Knowing that you love one person, the whole person and everything about them.

It feels as though it took so long to get here, but on the other hand I am so blessed. I know what it is to be loved so deeply. To be kissed each and everyday as though someone is so thankful to know you just for being you. Kissing back because that person makes you who you are. A deep, trusting, and seemingly growing love.

Each and everyday I know. I know I am loved completely. I love back. I know that we will be one of those couples that love forever and completely. We would be nothing without each other. Blessed. It is the only way I can think to describe it. Love songs were written for this kind of love. It sometimes feels as thought the song with go on forever. Feels your whole being with its beautify. Your head, your heart, your being, and makes your love grow. Somehow... I don't know how but it does.

Blessed is what I am. I accept it andc count myself lucky each and every day. I can only hope my children can find such love. Love that is worth living each and every minute for. Love that makes you...you It changes you.Love. Love. One word but it is so different for each of us. Means something different. I hope that you all know such a love at one time in your life and should you find it that it never, ever, leaves you.

I have noticed

that I don't think any normal person can lose weight without exercising. Yes, I know it IS possible, but I don't know how. I get 1400 calories per day. Seems fair. I often have 600-1100 left over each day but ONLY because I earn about 600 exercising. How the heck do you get through the day on 1400, which is probably a lot (but I weigh a lot).

I often make it through the whole work day without eating into my 1400 calories. Which is why I have so many more left over. You can only eat so much (and I don't want to). For breakfast I might have: a cup of strawberries or a cup of Special K and half a cup of low fat milk or oatmeal (which I HATE) Snack (any variety, twice a day): cucumber strawberries apple banana carrots I LOVE the Fresh and Easy fruit packs for $1.24 perfect amount Lunch: soup (most days) salad frozen meal meat and cheese Dinner: Is whatever I am making but I measure it out. I like to have popcorn at night, but any of the above snacks works too.

I try and get creative. Although, for the most part, I can eat the same thing everyday and it won't bother me. Since I enjoy soup and Progresso has so many varieties it is easy to change it up. A whole can of soup can be as little as 120 calories! It is great because I feel like I am eating all the time so I usually don't feel hungry. Some days though, I am really hungry. I try to bring a VERY large salad and leave it at work with a low cal dressing in the fridge so if I find myself still hungry I have a good choice.

This is all new for me but already I find myself making the better choice over and over again. I finally understand that commercial for cereal where the girl is looking at the cake and they say "do you want to ruin your whole day". I used to think "Why not, you were good all day" but now, oh now, I understand. But sometimes, not very often, but sometimes, I still go for the cake (or whatever it is). This is still life. The point of being healthy is to enjoy it, all aspects of it. Making good choices all week and allowing one larger, delicious meal (especially if it is at Anepalcos Cafe) is worth it. Sometimes I will go out for a walk before enjoying the less healthy item. Even though I have calories left, I feel SO much better about eating it.

Changes. They are happening. Each and every day!

Changed my life

About two months ago I changed my life. I didn't really make a decision to do it, it just happened. I wanted to make sure it was going to stick, so here it is.

We were at the La Galaxy in early April (maybe late March) and on my way to the restroom my leg (on the side of my knee) was itching like crazy. In the restroom I reached down and scratched it really hard. I almost cried out in pain it hurt so bad. I looked down and my previously superficial varicose vein was large and pulsating. That is what itched. Oh my gosh, I was freaked out. I am not an over reactor at all, but I was scared. The whole second half of the game it hurt. I sat worried and in pain.

A few days later, I noticed a HUGE bruise where it had previously itched. It was easily as big as the palm of my hand, easily. It freaked me out. That was it. I live a sedentary life. For the most part, I sit at a desk all day and then I come home and sit most of the night. I had to change that. April 4th I started using My Fitness Pal. I had used it before, but this time I was serious. I started walking as soon as I got home. I went about half a mile and then I would walk after dinner, about the same. It was hard. My body was so out of shape but I had to do it. I was going about .81 miles per day in 16 minutes.

That went on for a couple of weeks. I increased my distance using the app Endomondo. April 13th I was up to 1.38 miles in 25 minutes. Not a lot but I felt good. I was going a bit faster too.

I was having shin splints. My feet hurt. My knee a bit. Every step was painful. Every step hurt. I knew the shin splints would go away, just had to wait them out. I was more worried about my feet. I have had a couple of cortisone shots in one of my feet just so I could walk. It was kind of a catch 22 and I wasn't going to give up. At one point, I had such a massive pain in my right back leg muscle, I could hardly move once I was still. Walking helped, but I had to stop at some point.

Okay, I realized I was serious. Time to get some good shoes. The local shoe store we used before closed. I didn't want to go to a Snail's Pace because it is so busy, so we headed to REI. I explained what I needed, after trying on 4 pair of shoes, I found the right one's. I am ready. I can handle some pain, this is important and it has to be done. Eric suggested I take Sunday's off to let my body recover. I decided to do just that.

By April 5th I was down 3 pounds.At some point I decided it was too difficult to fit in two walks after coming home from work. There were always variables in the way, so I would wake early. I told myself one night, if you wake up at 6 tomorrow (my normal time is 7) out walking you will go. What do you know, it happened! Mocha and I went out at 6am and walked. I was able to walk, come back with enough time to sit for 10 minutes before waking the kids and getting ready for the day.

I was VERY good at making sure I ate nothing bad for a bit. That has tapered a bit but only where I will allow the occasional item. I mean, this is still life. The point is to be healthier overall. I still count calories and I walk at least 5 days a week, most of the time, 6 days a week and I love it. I love how I feel when I am done and how I feel all the time. I never thought this was true, but I honestly am happier. Just happier. I think I smile more. I feel WAY better. I have muscles. I feel them working when I am hardly doing anything at all now. It is amazing.

Tomorrow will be the 2 month mark since I changed my life. Not dieting. Not watching what I eat. Not focusing on losing weight. Changing my life. I am currently down 22 pounds. I walk about 2.15 miles per day (only once a day for the most part) and I often find myself with plenty of calories left over.

Oh, at some point, the varicose vein popped again. Another bruise, not quite as large, but I wasn't as worried. I knew I was doing everything I can. Today, it is superficial again. You can't change until you are ready and ready comes for everyone in a different way. I knew I needed to change, but until it happened, it just didn't...happen.

Eating right is so much easier than I thought it would be. Knowing the calories before you eat is key for me. As my friend Linda says "Once you know, you can't not know". This is true. If I find myself craving chocolate, one or two M&M's eaten slowly are just enough. Not downing the whole bag and then wondering where it has gone. I have gained a couple of pounds twice, but it is okay, I focus and move on.

I feel like a new person. I love that Siobhan assumes when I am home and going to pick her up that means we have to walk. ha ha WHAT?! No way would she have thought that a couple months ago. I hope to write more about how my life is changing. How I am in control.

Ear Ring(s)

I can not wear regular earrings, even if I change them everyday, because I have very sensitive skin. I often don't bother. No reason to have sore earlobes for a couple days to wear something for a few hours.

For my birthday many, many years ago, Eric had me pick out some diamond earrings for my birthday. Some I could finally wear and not have to remove. I was so excited. I LOVE those earrings.

Lately I had to remove them every few months for a few days because I was getting irritated by them. I usually put them on my computer stand inside my wedding ring (don't EVEN get me started on that!).

One day I went to put my earrings in and... I couldn't find one! OH NO! I looked everywhere. I thought it might have fallen on the floor so I was on my hands and knees...nothing. I looked every time we swept for the next couple of weeks...no earring.

I told Eric maybe I would get the diamond made into something for Siobhan. I don't know, I wanted to do something with it, but alas it sat there. Week after week.

Yesterday I came home from work and Eric and the kids had done some rearranging in the house. I was talking about how great it looks and Siobhan comes up with my EARRING! I could NOT believe it. After a couple of months, it shows up. Not only does it show up but it shows up TWO rooms away. I held Siobhan and cried and cried. I was so happy. I was SO SO happy.

I still need to find a back for one of them but wow, I can't believe she found them. I honestly can't tell you how happy it makes me. Really, really happy!

I must have done something right somewhere. Karma!

Leftovers

I am awful about leftovers.

I will go to the trouble of making some really wonderful meal (pozole, pot roast, etc) and then end up throwing the leftovers away.

Usually I just forget about them. I think part of the reason is because we eat out so much. When I go to work I am pretty good about using those leftovers as lunch. Since I have been off work because of the holidays and now this flu, well they sit there.

Eric will take leftovers if I package them up and he doesn't have it the next day. But to be honest, by then I have usually forgotten. ha ha

I did realize, I think what I need to do is buy more containers for lunches and just put everything away like that. I invision our fridge with the small, ready to go lunches for the week.

That is what must happen. I think it is the only way. My next outing I will get the proper size and hope and pray that the lids don't go to some far away place that lids and socks disappear too.

Leftovers shall be eaten. I will mentally add this to my Small Things list

Small Things

Maybe it is the small things?

Maybe resolutions tend not to work because we make them so big or general. I want to lose weight or save money. Or I want to lose X (all you could possibly lose) and save X amount of dollars.

Maybe it would be better to think small. Go for a target that is reachable and a goal that is accomplishable. Once that goal is accomplished, another small goal could be set and so on and so on. You may never reach that end goal but you might be almost there.

Let's say you are pretty sure you can save $20 a week, why not set a goal of $10 or even $5. It is completely obtainable and you won't feel bad when you don't do it.

You need to lose weight. Instead of setting the goal at the total amount, set something more obtainable. How about 2 pounds in two weeks. Most anyone can do that. Of course the more weight you need to lose the higher the number could be, but still, you won't hate yourself if you don't do it.

Going to the gym,cleaning the house, etc. any other goals could be reached the same way. Aim small. Chances are if you met those goals you will continue on to your ideal goal.

I heard on the news they said if you have goals you should share them. Tell people. The more likely you are to tell people the more likely you are to stick with it. I am not sure this works with all people, but I could see how it might help.

I am willing to share mine. So here goes...

I will save $20 a pay period. I know I could do more but I am not so good with saving as it is, so I will start very small. It will not be in my regular accounts where I have immediate access to it, but I shall begin with the pay period that just past (transferring $20 now! DONE!).

I am going to start eating better. I think I can not use weight as I currently do not own a scale, but I can do something more manageable. I will vow to not eat TWO things I think about eating in a weekly period Sunday to Saturday. This does not mean I will save them up to wait until the new week begins either. These will obviously be things I should not have in the first place. Training the mind is what I am planning here.

I know I need to spend a bit more time cleaning up around the house. I am not a cleaner by nature. ha ha Not at all! I shall spend at least ten minutes per day doing something extra. Not the usual stuff like washing dishes, but something extra. Even I can do ten minutes a day!

So, these are things I will do as of today. Today because today is the day I set out to do them...wish me well!

What was that again?

It isn't that I haven't anything to write about. It's that what I think I will write about is usually in my head in the shower, in the car, while I am walking at work and the next thing I know...poof gone forever!

What was that really creative or deep thought I had earlier? That gem of an idea? I might have even made a quick note to remind me and then I think "What the hell did I mean here?"

Old age? Brain too full already? Maybe I am in a constant Twilight Zone. Yes! That is it!

I am not a creative person really. I get creative on a few things a few times a year, but that's it. I do believe that the more you do it, the more it will come. This blog used to be my source. I thought that since I am able to do it with my phone it might come more frequently. That has not been the case.

I have had this blog since 2004. Coming up on NINE years. My thoughts, dreams, passions have been posted here. Some pretty amazing photos and giggles as well. I have decided I don't want to give it up.

It isn't about other people reading it. It is about me. Me thinking, feeling, sharing even when there is no one to share with. I could easily think of something to write each and every day, but I want to feel when I am here. I am hoping to make this another big part of my life.

Here's to hoping!