Maybe I WILL enjoy this day

Running around earlier. I had to go by my cousin's house to pick up papers for tonight. I stopped by my Dad's house where Gabi was having a garage sale and grabbed a few things. Ran into Bradley's Nino there. I haven't seen him in, maybe a year. Then we went to Smart and Final where I spent WAY too much money and still came home with a list. Diego took a nap. Siobhan tried but failed. Eric and I are starting to put together a list of tunes for my iPod for the party. I opened a Smirnoff (green apple), Siobhan just got out of the bath. Diego is finishing up eating (he takes so long because he eats SO much). We still need showers. I have to pick up K's friend who is going with us and will help set up. I still have to stop by the store for ice and misc. items. But all and all, I am done. At this point people either enjoy themselves or they don't. I am done.

Had a crying episode earlier. Don't feel any better. I had to stop because I was making Siobhan cry. A real fake cry too. I couldn't help but laugh. I have so much to be thankful for, but I am still so sad.

Oh, I hear my Smirnoff calling me, gotta go!

up again

What I wouldn't do for one full nights sleep. If Diego doesn't wake up, it is Siobhan. If Siobhan doesn't wake up, it is something in my head that won't allow me to sleep (Dad). This is seriously driving me nuts. I don't mind if the kids wake now and again because it isn't usually them. It isn't as if I am having a dream of my dad or anything, I just find I can't sleep and assume that is what it is, maybe not, who knows!

The other night I went to bed at 8. Siobhan was laying in bed with me (still not her bedtime yet) and we were reading. I think I fell asleep about 8:30. I had a really good nights sleep. I was so tired. I am always tired lately, but it isn't a sleepy tired. I am emotionally tired. So tired.

I am scared. I am afraid of the prayer at the family party Saturday. I am afraid I won't be able to hold it together. I WILL NOT break down crying so what are my other options? I just try and hold everything back. Try not to feel anything. I am afraid of hugs lately. I am afraid to feel anything. If I let go, maybe I will begin crying and never be able to stop.

Every time I have let myself cry, I don't feel better afterwards. Usually I feel better after a cry but not in the last two and a half months. Oh no, Siobhan just came in here and I hear Diego now. Gotta go, please note the time.

another one

I had another dream last night that my dad called to tell me he didn't really die. I didn't understand in this dream why he lied but he kept saying he did. I told him there was no way Gabi could be faking and he said she knew. She called me and I hung up on her. I thought, I will call Mark, there was no way he would have faked his sorrow, but I never got to make the call. I hate having these dreams over and over. Although I wish to God one would come true!

trudging along

Closer and closer Christmas comes. Siobhan is getting really excited, asking about every little thing. I sometimes manage to make it home without crying, but not very often. I can't stop thinking about my Dad. Sometimes I am sad and I am not even thinking about it, but it must be back there somewhere.

The Torres Christmas party is in a few days. I will be so glad when it is over. K and I are in charge this year. It will not be all I had hoped but as long as we are all together, that is all that matters, right?

Next week at work we have our Secret Pal. I love doing that. Nothing like getting a gift everyday of the week. Plus we have quite a few new people at work, and it is a good way to get to know them. Our work is taking us out for dinner next Friday, pretty cool!

I know I say it all the time, but it is always in my mind. "I miss you Daddy"

not that my husband minds

but doesn't this qualify as prime time soft porn?

almost there

We picked up our Christmas tree tonight. It is outside soaking up some water. We have some/most of our shopping done. Not too bad with only a few weeks to go. Siobhan has her Christmas party this weekend, we have our Torres family party (which Krystal and I are in charge of this year) this Saturday. It will all be downhill from there.

Planning Festivus

We decorate our doors at work this week. We can't do Christmas, only holiday, so Natalie and I are going to do Festivus. "Festivus for the rest of us". What is really funny is how much information there is out there about it. Eric remembered just about everything I need but I thought I would google it just to see what happened. Man, oh man, people need more to do out there. So hopefully tomorrow I will go armed with my pole and some pretty darn sayings and see how it goes. If nothing else, it is something different.

okay, I lied

Right after I signed off, Bradley and my mom walk in. Krystal couldn't find her shorts so she didn't go. Now I am home with four kids and no husband!

Figures!

practically alone

A rare occurrence in this house. Bradley is out shopping with Grandma Sue. Eric and Krystal went on a bike ride. Diego is napping and Siobhan is watching a Dora dvd. I am alone (or as close as it gets), what shall I do, what shall I do? I know I am not going to waste anymore time writing here

well, lookie here

I have not been able to sleep well lately. I woke up with enough time to answer Andrea's question on iPods (as if it was written just for me!), answer a few e-mails, and go catch the episodes of Eastenders I missed on Friday. Woo hoo. Usually I will wake up too soon before it starts and fall asleep again, or wake up just as the last one is going to end. Off I go....

so busy

I am finishing up for the annual Torres Christmas party. A party for people who don't like to RSVP. I had a call from the taco guy tonight (I just heard the message) wanting to confirm. I have no idea how many people since I still haven't heard from about 20. auuggghhhh

I still have so much to do for that. My house still has nothing Christmas yet. I know Diego and Siobhan really want to see everything so I think it will be done this weekend.

Later is ballet and then the USC v. UCLA game. GO BRUINS!

So much to do and soooo little time. I am glad I am getting this party out of the way. Shouldn't be our turn for about another 15 years if ever the way the family keeps growing! Anyone want to help?

seriously scary

A three month old baby died because her parents gave her water, vodka, sugar and salt in her bottle because they thought it would help her colic! She had a blood alcohol level of 0.47 (Five times the legal limit for driving). She had severe damage to her liver due to weeks of alcohol consumption, so it was not a one-time thing.

I can not believe that these people could even THINK that this might be okay. There is enough information out there that I would hope even teenagers would know better. It makes me sick!

Tuesday

I don't have much to say.

sad monday

I have a friend at work whose Dad has been in the hospital for almost two weeks now. He is doing much better and will probably be heading home tomorrow. It has been really hard on her. Today she was telling me all about it. Man, it just brought up so many thoughts and so much sadness.

I have cried a lot today. I usually cry in the car. I guess because I am alone on the way home from work. My mind starts thinking about who knows what... and somehow it comes back to my Dad. The tears flow. Sometimes I wish they would flow enough to actually take the pain away, but they ever do. Maybe, someday....

Siobhan's first trip to the movies

Last night Siobhan's big brother took her to the movies. It was her first time. They saw Chicken Little. It seems as though they had fun. It has been so long since I have been to the movies. Do you realize you don't actually pay a person anymore? They have these little machines kinda like ATM's you buy your tickets from. Wow. Modern technology huh? Of course two of them weren't working so we had to wait in line.

Krystal, Diego and I went to Target while we waited for them. I couldn't find any old school outside lights. You know the big one's that start hurting your electric bill as soon as you turn them one? Those are the one's I want. Maybe we will try today at the Home Depot, they always come through.

Going to my mom's for dinner and movie tonight. She misses us, really, who could blame her!

oh my

We tried to go to Fry's Electronics yesterday (Friday) around 12pm. We could not even get INTO the parking lot. The parking lot i is HUGE and we couldn't even get in. We tried later (about 5pm) and got a spot, walked in the store and the line to check out, oh goodness.

We have to buy new lights for the house. I don't think Siobhan will let us wait much longer before we get those up! What she really wants is those big light up things for the front yard. I saw a cute 8 foot one that was a globe and looked like snow was coming down. Looks really cute IN THE STORE. ha ha

wow

I HATE country music. I would NEVER listen to KZLA, but I am soooo thankful for the ads they have out. ThanksKZLA!

another dream

It wasn't last night, but the night before. I had another dream about my Dad. I went into Costco and he was standing there, looking so handsome. I started crying, couldn't believe he was there. I walked towards him. I stood there crying. Then I woke up.

I tell myself before I fall asleep, "if you have another dream, just hug him". That is all I want. Obviously I can only feel it in a dream, and frankly right now, it will do!

Thanksgiving passed with only a few crying episodes. I try so hard to keep the tears away. I still am not sure why. Christmas will be hell. I am so thankful for my wonderful husband, my beautiful kids and my very loving family and friends who help me everyday.

The hardest will be hearing Christmas songs by Elvis and Harry Belafonte. I will never be able to hear those without hearing my Dad sing along. I loved to hear my Dad sing. At least I am blessed with still hearing him that way.

I miss you Daddy, so much more than I would have ever thought possible. I am beginning to think I have never known pain before.

Here is some stuff going on around here:

Bradley had his backpack stolen on Friday. From his locker? no, he threw it down (supposedly with a bunch of other one's) during p.e. and someone stole it. Luckily he only had one school book in there (which the school will replace) but he had a set of clothes and his soccer stuff in there. So yesterday I bought him a new backpack (slim pickings around this time of the year, he is lucky they had other colors other than purple). He needs a physical for soccer by today. He still needs new soccer stuff.

Diego has a doctor appointment today. He still needs a haircut. (I tried to take him yesterday and they were closed).

Carol is sick so I am home with Diego today. Eric will stay home tomorrow if need be.

Still planning/getting things ready for the annual Torres Christmas party. I just KNOW I am going to forget something.

My friend at work father is very ill. I would like to say a special prayer for him that he gets well with no lingering problems. A girl needs her daddy.

K and B are both in high school soccer. So we will be sending out e-mails with the dates, times and places of the games. Most, if not all, are during the day, so no problem for those of you who can't make it.

Diego is down for a nap, woo hoo!

ta ta for now!

I had a dream last night...

...that my dad wasn't actually dead. He was making a statement against something so he wanted everyone to think he was dead. When he walked out, I was afraid to go to him. Afraid to find it wasn't really him. I cried and cried and I started hitting him. So mad that he would do that to me. I woke up before I was able to hug him (which is really all I want).

Isn't that weird. In my dream Gabi knew he was alive. Obviously that isn't true because I have seen the pain she has and is still suffering with. I am pretty sure that is the first dream I have had about my dad. Wish I could have gotten that hug in first.

oh my

yesterday as I was channel surfing in the car, I turned to KOST. They are playing Christmas music already. Shouldn't they at least wait until the 25th? Wow! ( I will admit I have turned to it a couple of times since then).

Torres Christmas blog

If you are a Torres and got here by mistake somehow, check out the right blog HERE!

never enough time in the day

I was off today because of Diego being sick. Man, I had plans. I was going to get the invites for the Torres Christmas party out in the mail (I did that). I was going to take my car and get an estimate on getting the back fixed. I was going to do a lot of laundry. I was even thinking about cleaning the house and then playing some Sims 2. No luck on any of those other things. Man, oh man. Why even think you might accomplish something. Diego has been whining all day. He doesn't want anything but he wants everything. I told cousin Cindee he wanted to go stay at Nino's house (her son!) hee hee

Here is to a full nights sleep.

poor baby, this was ONE time he wasn't crying!

Our clothes dryer has not been working the past few days. Thursday Eric came home early to figure out what was going on. He has Bradley pull out the dryer. When he got home he noticed that the gas line was broken. Okay, so as he is freaking out he tells Krystal to turn the gas off. She turns it, and hears, pssss. So she turns it back off.

The gas line was broken AND the gas was off. None of us turned it off. Nobody! The things that could have happened. But the gas was off. We can't explain it. No one did it. It isn't somewhere it could have been done by accident. I don't normally believe in this kind of thing, but I can't help thinking my Dad was looking out for us. Whatever it was, I can't help but say, Thanks Dad!

relaxing weekend?

Isn't that what it was supposed to be? Friday night was okay. Eric, Diego and I dropped Bradley off at The Catch where he was helping out for the soccer fund raiser. Then we went to some game store for Eric to get a new PSP game. Then Krystal and I went and picked up dinner. Saturday we tried to go get free t-shirts at the new Apple store at the Brea Mall. They were giving them out to the first thousand people. We got there about 9:30 (they opened at 10) and they already had more than enough people in line, so we left. We went to the doctor and than home for a while. We watched the UCLA game and went for a walk. Krystal made some wonderful shrimp cocktail for dinner along with homemade chocolate flan! Today we were supposed to have a play date with Tate, but he wasn't feeling well. Probably was the best thing for Diego too. He is fighting those darn breathing treatments. We watched the Galaxy game. They won! Champs!

Tomorrow we are taking Diego to the doctor about his walking. I am going to go ahead and stay home with him since he doesn't sit still for those treatments. I need a wine cooler.

breathing treatment 2

much better, after I let him know he was having it no matter what! After a few minutes he was mostly calm during everything. So, hopefully the next one will go well. We'll see...

asthma?

I took Diego to the doctor today (he weighs 23.2 pounds now). She thinks he has asthma. She gave us the medicine for the machine and Prednisone. She is afraid he might get worse so we are to do the meds every four hours. Let me tell you, he did not want to have the mask on. He was screaming the whole time. He was a little better after the treatment so we were able to go home. They want him back in a few days and we are supposed to keep a close eye on him.

I actually thought we were done with the whole asthma thing. I have it, Krystal has it, Bradley has it. I thought Siobhan and Diego were going to be okay. Very frustrating!

golly gosh

Looking forward to a fun and relaxing weekend. A weekend of NO soccer, well except for the Galaxy! (Go Galaxy!)

Tomorrow Siobhan has ballet and I am sure Eric will watch the UCLA game. Sunday we will be heading to Chuck E. Cheese so Diego and Tate can play (or pull each other's hair).

I might even stay up past 11pm! Crazy!

Day one...no bottle

That's right. Diego has been without a bottle all day. He is almost ready for bed. Woo hoo and he had no problem. That is not to say he didn't ask for it. The pacifier in bed is something we will work on for another day!

I am free, free, free

Today Bradley played his last game of club soccer for this season. No more driving to Orange everyday Tuesday and Thursday (I drop off, Eric picks up). No more driving to Pasadena every weekend (okay not EVERY weekend, feels like it though) for a game. Ahh, the enjoyment of being able to go home and stay there. Bradley will be playing high school soccer, but guess what, the school is RIGHT there!

Krystal still has dance on Tuesday nights but we can go out to eat or something relaxing while she is there. We usually go to The Gypsy Den.

So, if you want us on the week night we should be here. Unless of course you want something, and than we are extremely busy so don't bother us!

Dora Live

Here are a couple pictures from the Dora Live show that Siobhan and I went to yesterday. We had great seats, the 5th row!

Everyone knows I hate Wal-Mart. Here is something even I did not know.

Wal-Mart controls 25% of the U.S. toothpaste market. It is suggested that even if you HAVE to shop at Wal-Mart, buy your toothpaste elsewhere. Wal-Mart tracks this stuff religiously, and they just might take notice.


Can't hurt. Want to know more? Click here!

funny AND true

YOU KNOW YOU ARE FROM SO CAL IF...

1. Your monthly house payments exceed your annual income.
2. You drive next to a Rolls Royce and don't notice.
3. You don't know anyone's phone number unless you check your cell phone.
4. You speak Spanish, but you're not Mexican.
5. You begin to "lie" to your friends about how close you are when you know damn well that it'll take you at least an hour to get there (see below).
6. You drive to your neighborhood block party.
7. In the "winter", you can go to the beach and ski at Big Bear on the same day.
8. You eat a different ethnic food for every meal.
9. If your destination is more than 5 minutes away on foot, you're definitely driving.
10. Calling your neighbors requires knowing their area code.
11. You know what In-n-Out is, and feel bad for all the other states because they don't have any.
12. You don't stop at a STOP sign, you do a California Roll.
13. You really can never be too rich or too thin or too tan.
14. You've partied in Tijuana at least 3 times... You don't remember at least 1 of them.
15. You go to a tanning salon before going to the beach.
16. You eat pineapple or broccoli on pizza.
17. Your cell phone has left a permanent impression on the side of your head.
18. You think that Venice is a beach.
19. The waitress asks if you'd like "carbs" in your meal.
20. You know who the tinsel underwear dude in Venice Beach is.
21. You classify new people you meet by their Area Code. An "818" would never date a "562" and anyone from "323" or "213" is ghetto/second class. Best area code: "714." Nobody likes anyone from the "909" because it stinks there.
22. You call 911 and they put you on hold.
23. You have a gym membership because it's mandatory.
24. The gym is packed at 3pm...on a workday.
25. You think you are better than the people who live "Over the Hill". It doesn't matter which side of the hill you are currently residing you are just better than them, for whatever reason.
26. You know that if you drive two miles in any direction you will find a McDonald's or a Starbucks.
27. You know what "sigalert", "PCH", and "the five" mean.
28. You can't remember . . . is pot illegal?
29. It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station: "STORM WATCH 2005 "
30. The Terminator is your governor.
31. You don't notice the 5.0 Quake while all the tourists are screaming and running for cover.
32. You own an Off Road Vehicle or SUV and never take it anywhere except the freeways.
33. If you leave your cell phone at home, you don't remember how to drive because you now have an extra hand on the steering wheel.
34. You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from California.

Daddy, where are you?

I think the denial is starting to wear off. So many weeks now that I have been able to talk about my Dad with no problem. Almost as if I was talking about someone else. Lately though, the thoughts of him bring tears. There is a general sadness inside of me that won't seem to go away. Last night I was watching TV, flipping the channels, and all of a sudden the tears come. No longer am I trying to hold them back. Before I was afraid if I let them come they would never stop. Now I am afraid if I don't let them come I will never be able to cry again.

So many emotions. So many memories. I always smile when I think of my Dad. He wasn't perfect but he was the perfect Daddy for me. He was everything I needed. He let me be who I wanted to be but was there to pick me up or guide me when I asked for it. I told him of this often, that I was so glad both of my parents let me be who I thought I should be. But they were (and Mom still is) THERE. Maybe when your children get older that is what parenting is about. Being there. You do what you can to shape them, teach them right from wrong, and then they grow. Being there. There to help, talk, bail out, whatever.

I don't know. All I do know is I planned to have MANY, MANY more years with my Dad and now I don't. It doesn't matter how many good memories you have, you still want more. My whole body aches for one more hug.

fun, fun, fun

Bradley has his last local soccer game today. They switched the time to this morning, which Eric was happy about. Now he can be home to see the UCLA game. I am taking Siobhan to ballet and then we are going to see Dora Live! She was so excited this morning when Eric told her. Her eyes got all big! What fun! Hopefully there will be some pictures to post later.

Everyone, stay home!

Krystal and I just got back from a "driving lesson". Her first time behind the wheel. She drove around the parking lot to get a feel for the car (not to mention the brake and gas). She didn't realize you had to turn so much. She drove down the street home so her Dad could get her on video. I even let her park in the driveway. The whole 5 feet up the driveway I yelled "brake! brake! We made it and the car is no worse for the wear (me on the other hand....)

All in all she did well for 15 minutes of driving. We will have lots more practice, LOTS!

Sometimes it's too late to make a change.

Halloween Pics

Boo, click me!

what time is it?

It is 7pm and I am SO ready for bed. I would go to sleep but I have to watch Desperate Housewives. A nap maybe?

not feeling too hot

I think I caught someone's cold. Not too hard to imagine since practically everyone at work is sick. So I was laying in bed looking at my clock and I thought, well Eastenders will be on in an hour, so here I am. Figured I would check my mail, blog, look around the internet. I just looked at my clock and forgot about the time change. I can't wait TWO hours for Eastenders. I missed it Friday night because I was driving around with Siobhan trying to figure out what to get for dinner. Seriously, I drove around for about 45 minutes only to end up at Wendy's right by our house. I don't usually get fast food but it was already 8pm and nothing sounded good. Siobhan loves Wendy's because of the Frosty, so what the heck, Wendy's it was!

So I am sure I will miss the rerun of Eastenders at 5am. Oh well, sleep IS kinda important.

putting on the pressure

Eric is going to Macworld in January in San Francisco. Krystal and Bradley can go if they keep their grades up enough to miss a couple days of school. The pressure is on. Can they do it? Will they start slacking around the holidays and allow their grades to fall and therefore have to stay home with Mom? I pray not! So, I thought if I put it out there it might help. They are both doing well, but as we always say, there is lots of time to screw up!

Come on you two, go out there and get A's!

Can you say HOT?

I know Eric is going to kill me BUT he did download the picture for me!

Boo!

busy, busy, busy

What a day we have planned (not by choice). Siobhan has ballet at 12 which Grandma Sue will be taking her and then Siobhan will go hang out at her house. We will be leaving about 11:30 to head to Thousand Oaks where Bradley has TWO soccer games, one at 2pm and one at 4pm. Grandma Carol will be watching Diego for us. (Then he doesn't have to endure the long drive, and the TWO games). Thankfully my husband decided to put some light in our day and we will be stopping by Olvera Street for some dinner. Yum Yum. So we will be gone, busy, all day. Enjoy YOUR Saturday!

What was I thinking?

I think I am usually someone who goes about life and enjoys it. I feel a lot of love, things are usually great and work out for me. Lately I haven't felt that way. I am so thankful for my husband and my kids, but I have been in a funk. Maybe it is my Dad, maybe not. But today a little girl whose blog I read (NOT Rebekah) passed away of cancer. She was only 3 years old. What do I have to complain or be sad about. My children are all healthy. We are able to give them everything they need. I am truly blessed. I feel bad for ever feeling bad. My heart and my prayers go out to little Maggie May's family. God bless you!

what to do?

Yesterday Eric and I got home to no DSL. What to do? I told Eric I didn't know what to do if I couldn't check my e-mail, blog, etc. What, were we supposed to sit around and talk? About 9 Eric said if he couldn't use the internet he might as well go to sleep (he didn't though). Isn't it funny how cut off you can feel when your DSL is down? We have had good service from Earthlink so I don't know what is up. We came home today and it wasn't working for about an hour and a half. crazy!

We are up and we are here!

three of the four

Here is a picture of Bradley holding Siobhan and Diego while we were at the Galaxy game this afternoon. Where DID that kid get blond hair from?

much ado about nada...

well, I feel like just going on and on about not much. We just finished watching Midnight Cowboy (1969). Interesting. I had never heard of it but it was very good. The kids liked it too.

I got invited to a Bar Mitzvah (trying to be like Andrea) but I won't be able to go. I am bummed about it too. I would like to have gone.

We went to a wedding last night. Eric's cousin's daughter, Katie. It was really nice. She looked beautiful (don't they all?). We took Siobhan with us. She had fun dancing. She kept asking me to go back upstairs ( I think she was afraid we were leaving, or just trying to get rid of me!). I think this is the first wedding that I have been to that made me feel a bit old. Maybe it is because they are so young.

We were leaving Siobhan's ballet class today and the owner stopped us to ask how old Siobhan is. We told her she will be 4 at the end of January. She said that Siobhan is very advanced. (We of course know this, but it is odd hearing it from someone who doesn't know her!) She is going to be the leader and then she will want her to move up as soon as she turns 4. Big girl!

Bradley got his progress report from school. He has no less than a B! Woo hoo. Krystal is doing okay, she just has some things to work on, but I know she can and will do it! I know she wants to go to San Francisco in January with her Dad so she WILL get those grades up or be stuck home with me and the little ones (and no one wants that!).

Don't tell Eric, but I am trying to plan a time we can get away ALONE and go to The Madonna Inn. I hear the shower in that room is amazing. Plus, we haven't done anything alone since Europe in 95. We even took Krystal and Bradley to Mexico with us after we got married (I won't say it was a honeymoon, hee hee). But I am not to quick to ask because I haven't been so good with my money since FOREVER, and we DO have some stuff we want to do around the house. Ah, one day....

I got to see Gabi and Patsy today (my Dad's wife and my oldest brother's wife) that was nice. I really only got to say "hi" to Patsy but it is always nice to see her! It was nice to talk to Gabi about my Dad. To admit how much I almost won't think about it. She described it perfectly when she said it feels like he is on a trip or something. Because it kinda does. I guess when you have a Dad that goes away a lot and practically lives in other countries for months at a time, something like this does seem unreal.

Well, enough for you? Because I am sure I could go on and on. I think I will go download some music videos from iTunes (see what wasteful things I do with my money!) Have a great night everyone!

hop-a-long

Bradley got hurt in today's soccer game. He went for the ball and tripped the other player and somehow twisted his ankle. OUCH! He got pulled from the game and didn't get to go back in. He is still hopping around here. I am sure somehow he will walk well enough to make it to the Galaxy game tomorrow!

where is the lysol?

My mom (an RN) used to always follow me around the house with Lysol while I was sick. I mean I couldn't even move without practically having to reach for my inhaler since I was practically drowned in the stuff. Well, maybe she had something there. I am feeling better (stomach still is sensitive) but now Siobhan has a fever. I have the windows open so we are getting plenty of fresh air, I guess it just wasn't enough. Of course she wanted to be right next to me and nothing makes you feel better than a little girls kisses. So I pay for it now.

Please note the time. I have been to bed only to find the wee one on the couch. She didn't want to kick Daddy by climbing in bed (since when did she care?). So we are watching Funniest Home Videos and fighting about the medicine. Is there sleep in the future? The saga continues...

out of the mouth of babes

Per Siobhan:

If m&m's have a S on them, they are s&m's.

By the way, the S is from Skittles!

ha ha

Please look at this page

I have posted this blog before about Rebekah. She does not seem to be doing well at all. I think any extra thoughts and prayers can't hurt, and well, you never know.

CLICK ME

ick

Monday night I guess I had the stomach flu. YUCK! Needless to say I stayed home from work yesterday and am home resting today. I mean they wouldn't want me back unless I am 100% right?

So now Siobhan and Diego are coughing. Poor babies. I hope they don't get sick!

Wow, Krystal, thanks

Yesterday Bradley had a soccer game at Goldenwest College. Oh yeah, it was raining alright. Siobhan watched Dora in the car while I read a book. We got home about 6pm to a WONDERFUL dinner. The table was set (we hardly ever eat there!) and the atmosphere. Wow. Candles, music and wine. Eric and Krystal made a wonderful spaghetti dinner with garlic bread. It was really tasty.

And frankly whenever I don't have to worry about dinner, I am happy. I mean, it takes a lot of planning to decide where to eat and if we should order in, pick up or go out.

Thanks guys!

Monday, Monday

How come I can never be home with nothing to do but sit in front of a fire and read all day while it is raining? I love the rain. I like to watch it, hear it and know my lawn is finally getting enough water. It is so cozy to be at home and enjoy it. Instead I saw some of it fall while in the lunch room at work (oh, how cozy!).

I expected some when I got home and so far, nada. Siobhan is waiting to go out in her rain boots and jump in some puddles! She made sure she took her Dora umbrella to school today, just in case!

So, I wait. No rain while at home. At least I am making dinner for a change, I could enjoy it to some rain...

Just how I feel

I got this in an e-mail today, boy does it say it all!

how sad

It has been over three weeks since my Dad passed away. It is so weird but I keep thinking I see him places. In a car driving, at a store, or anywhere. I know in my head it isn't him, but it always takes me a minute. Today as I was standing in Mattern's Deli in Orange waiting for our food, I saw a man who reminded me a lot of my dad. He had the same build and was almost the exact size on my dad. I seriously had to talk myself out of going up to him and asking him to hug me. I realized that no matter how "alike" he might be, he would never hug me with the emotion that MY dad always hugged me with. My dad didn't waste time with those little patting hugs. He always hugged me like he meant it. And I realized that if I can't have one of those hugs, I will just wait.

gas?

Last night we went to Robinson-May to look at the furniture sale (we got some great stuff!). We thought we could fit the leather love seat in the van but no! We had about 35 minutes to go home, drop off the kids and go back (minus one seat so it would fit!). I had NO gas. Eric said we won't make it home. There was no Chevron close to where we were and not one that I could think of within a close distance, so on to the freeway I went. The Main Place Mall is only about 4 miles from home and the gas station isn't too far from the freeway.

That was the longest 4 miles ever. I have never been afraid I would run out of gas (I usually fill up as soon as the light is on) and then at 8:30pm, on the freeway, with my whole family in the car. YIKES! We did make it, but the whole way my heart was beating fast, my stomach hurt, I was nervous!

Eric did make it back to the store in time. We spent about 45 minutes arranging and rearranging the living room. Finally we are good! New furniture and more places to sit. We needed more places to sit!

a funny for Friday

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

If people evolved from apes,Why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

Alone again naturally

Guess what?! Yesterday I went to Albertson's all by myself! No kids! Alone! Seriously, I think it has been about 3 years since that has happened. Wow! No one asking for fruit snacks or ice cream!

Woo hoo, I think I love it!

Siobhan's Back to School Night!

Siobhan looking CUTE!



















Siobhan showing off her art work
















Diego enjoying the "big kid" toys at Siobhan's preschool.




















Siobhan with some of her "school" friends.

Here is picture of Bradley and Diego enjoying the UCLA football game. Go Bruins!

two weeks or a lifetime?

It has been two weeks since my dad passed away. It feels as though it has already been a lifetime. How can he be out of reach? When I hugged him as he lay there, soul gone, I kept thinking, "Why isn't he hugging me?". Crazy I know.

Most moments are spent trying not to think about how he will never hug me. Never kiss me. Never again pick up Diego or talk to Siobhan and show her something cool. He won't see Bradley play soccer or Krystal run another race. Okay, I know he will see them, but we won't see him seeing them.

My heart aches for a word, a touch, a kiss, anything. Even when I was a teenagers my Grandma Faldowski would tease me because I had to be RIGHT by my dad. If he was on the couch, there I was next to him. We spent a lot of time apart from the time I was about 8 to 12. I never saw my father cry as when he said goodbye to me. Now I am the one saying goodbye. And frankly, I can't!

I don't want to. I don't care if I have to, I don't want to! I know it will get better. It has to, because I don't think it can get worse.

Sometimes I look at pictures of him and I smile. I know he loved me with all he could. I loved him like only a girl can love her Daddy (especially being the only girl out of four kids!). I know he believed in me and never stopped letting me be me. I told him often that I loved him for letting me make my own mistakes. Oh, he was there to bail me out, but never said even one "I told you so". He just wasn't like that. He didn't say anything. He was just there! Solid! Without fail. He was so easy to smile. Oh, he got mad mind you, but it was usually over nothing and very short lived. I ALWAYS knew I could count on my Dad for anything. ANYTHING! So, now what?

Now what? I am a strong believer in Heaven. But hey, I took philosophy too. Some say we believe in Heaven because we fear death. I don't think that is the case. But I do find myself thinking that there HAS to be a Heaven because if I can't someday be with my Dad again, I don't think I could make it through even one day now.

I try and be strong. I try to hold back the tears. I try and think of what he would want and it would not be for me (or any of use) to shed tears for him. Usually when I cry I don't even know what the hell brought it on. No song, no thought, no memory, just tears.

Someday I guess I will find better words to describe all the pain going on but for now I just try and push it away. Please, bare with me and my ramblings on, I will find other topics as well. I think....

The Girard Kids

Here I am with my brothers. From left to right, David, Me, Mark and Tony! I am the youngest (hee hee) and obviously the shortest too.

Is it raining out?

If it were, it would match what is going on inside. I am so sad. I would like to go an hour or so without crying. Without becoming overwhelmed by emotions. It is so odd though. I can sit here and look at pics of my dad and smile. There I am washing dishes, and boom, crying like crazy. I don't understand it and frankly I don't like it!

quick ?

Yogurt, not the big one, but the single serving. Some come with a plastic lid (which is hard to get off) and then the sealed top underneath. I was opening one for Siobhan this morning, and I thought, do you need the plastic lid? I mean is there someone out there who can't finish it all? If you didn't finish it would you want to save it? What, 2 bites? Do we need to waste plastic like that? I, of course, will recycle mine. There are a lot of people who don't recycle or are unable to.

Do we need the plastic lid? That is all I want to know!

keep it up!

Bradley got his grade check from 9th grade yesterday. Spanish-A, Biology-B, Algebra-B, English-A, and I am sure an A in Track and Field and Health. Great! Keep it up and see if you can't get all A's (I know you can!)

Good job!

ps. I would like to add that Bradley has been great about doing homework. He sits down and doesn't get up until he is done! I am soooo proud of you!

bug bite?

Last night after dropping Bradley off at soccer I was a bit sad. Okay, to be honest, I was a wreck. I came in crying like crazy. Everyone was worried about me. I put the food down (I don't do much cooking!) and went into the bedroom and cried. Eric, Krystal and Siobhan came in. Siobhan said "What is wrong Mommy?", and I didn't answer her. She said "Did something bite you?". Oh my gosh, how could I NOT laugh. Where did that come from? Then she said "Mommy, you can have my french fries, french fries make you feel better". That ended it. How can french fries not make you feel better?

With giggles from her, a huge hug from Krystal and a very loving and supportive husband, I felt better. Thanks everyone!

New Eeyore toy

Have you seen the new Eeyore that moves his ears and plays peek-a-boo when your child shakes the rattle? Real cute. I am the mom of four. When I saw that commercial, I thought, "well what good would it be in two days when your child has lost the rattle". I mean come on. That is why we buy toys that are just one piece in the first place. Puzzles are fun for the first day or two. Then it is "mom, I can't find Dora's head".

If the rattle was attached, that might work! Disney, just ask me first!

trucker bombs

Okay, this is crazy. I guess truckers often pee in some kind of container (water bottle, etc.) and then THROW it out the window. The state of Washington has made/is making it illegal to do so. This seems to bother some truckers. Come on! How hard would it be to, I don't know, throw it in a trash can. I am against littering anyway, but this just makes it that much more gross. If you are a trucker and you need to pee and want to do so in a container, go for it. But please, please, throw it in the trash! Gross!

Daddy, this song will always make me think of you!

Those schoolgirl days of telling tales and biting nails are gone
But in my mind I know they will still live on and on
But how do you thank someone who has taken you from crayons to perfume?
It isn't easy, but I'll try

If you wanted the sky I would write across the sky in letters
That would soar a thousand feet high 'To Sir, With Love'

The time has come for closing books and long last looks must end
And as I leave I know that I am leaving my best friend
A friend who taught me right from wrong and weak from strong
That's a lot to learn, but what can I give you in return?

If you wanted the moon I would try to make a start
But I would rather you let me give my heart 'To Sir, With Love'

what....

Just over 12 weeks left until Christmas! You know there is someone out there who is already done with their Christmas shopping. That will never be me. Although I do have one gift already AND I have made a list. Does that count for anything?

Things my Daddy liked

Big bowls of popcorn ( he would eat it for days)
huge bowls of ice cream (butter pecan)
frozen snickers candy bars
diet coke (needed an extra fridge)
double super star with cheese (Carl's Jr)
big, and I mean BIG, pieces of cake (any cake, no matter the flavor and the piece or pieces were NEVER big enough!)
sugar cookies (don't bother with the flavored frosting, he thought it ruined the flavor)
football (especially Dallas Cowboys)
music/singing
sarcasm (where do you think I got it from)
Pink Panther movies
He would laugh if I said "your momma" (I still don't know why)
Godfather movies
TV (he would slept in front of that damn thing and swear he was watching it still!), the remote was NEVER out of reach
History channel
computer, computer parts, pieces, anything that may someday have something to do with computers

I know there must be many, many more I can't currently think of. Feel free to add.....

Lourdes' last day!

My friend of just over 6 years quit working where I do. She will be missed. Not only was she a really good friend she was a HUGE help at work. (My job will now be harder, thanks a lot!) I know I will still see her and keep in touch but I will miss her on a day to day basis. Here a few photos from our night saying good-bye!

click me, click me!

walk this way...

We took Diego to the Dr. today. A little history please.

Since Diego began walking we have all noticed a slight problem with his leg. At first we weren't sure what it was but it is now obvious to us that it is his left leg. When we went for his well baby check the Dr. said to wait a few months since he was still an early walker.

It has now been a few months. We took him today. The Dr. wanted Diego to walk around (of course he screamed instead, Diego not the Dr.). He took enough steps for the Dr. to see what we were talking about. He has referred us to orthopedics. So tomorrow we will call and get an appointment.

For those of you who have not seen Diego in a while, we describe his running and a long stumbling. He tends to favor his left leg and therefore leans to one side and often falls. You might not notice unless you are looking or see him walk/run often. Eric also noticed that when Diego walked through some water the other day, his right foot gave a full foot imprint, where the left one showed just the toe. So, we will see what is going to happen. I wonder how long it will take to actually SEE the Dr? Oh by the way, Diego's Dr. said that his hips line up, his legs seem the same length and he has all the same creases in his legs. All a good sign!

I will let you know when we do!

check out my new link

You can click on it and see where people live who are reading my blog. How cool is that? I am hoping to get more and more people even if they don't leave comments!

caca caca everywhere

You can always count on a one year old to bring laughter into your day. Eric, Siobhan, Diego and I were trying to nap. I finally gave up. I could hear Diego talking on and on in his room. I sent Bradley in to get him. Bradley came out without Diego. See, it seems whenever we put Diego down without pants, off comes the diaper. Usually we remember, needless to say, today we did not.

There he is standing with only his shirt on. There is caca and pee all over the bed. He is just smiling and laughing like he was at Disneyland. Oh geez!

Ha ha, you can do little but laugh. Certainly isn't his fault that no one thought "oh we should put pants on him".

So, he is currently being dressed after a nice cleansing bath.

Daddy's Home

How do you say good-bye to someone that you planned to have around for the next 15 years at least? How do you accept the fact that you will never be held or kissed again? How do you spend your WHOLE life loving someone only to find they are no longer there? How many years, hours, days and minutes have you spent laughing and crying together only to have to do it alone?

My Father has left me. My Daddy is in heaven (although I am sure he would disagree). One full day he has been gone. One full day filled with tears, anger, smiles but mostly denial. There is nothing, I think, more special than a bond of a girl and her Daddy. Mine was no acceptation. My Daddy was often my world. My grandma used to joke because I would still sit RIGHT next to him when I was a teenager. I would hold his hand when we went somewhere. My Daddy NEVER stopped believing in me, no matter how many bad choices I made ( and there were plenty).

This will probably be one of the many ramblings on about my Daddy! I will miss him continuously.

Music is important to my whole family. My oldest brother (I have three!) sent an e-mail with a song that meant everything to him about my dad. I have one too.

A little background please. My parent divorced when I was about seven. My Dad lived in town for a while and then moved to California (we were in Tennessee). I will never forget the day my Dad left the house. We always spent the summers with my Dad. My parents were really good, probably the best, about time spent with the other parent. My parents got back together when I was about 12 and we moved to CA. During those years was hell for me. A girl without her Daddy is a girl lost! My mother was wonderful. My big brothers were a God amazing. My Daddy was missed everyday.

My Daddy had a song for me. Daddy's Home by Shep and the Limelites. For 36.2 years this song always meant his home was with me. Now I guess it means he is finally Home. Here are the lyrics!

You're my love you're my angel
You're the girl of my dreams
I'd like to thank you for waiting patiently
Daddy's home your daddy's home to stay

How I've waited for this moment
To be by your side
Your best friend wrote and told me
You had teardrops in your eyes
Daddy's home your daddy's home to stay

It wasn't on a sunday (monday and tuesday went by)
It wasn't on a tuesday afternoon (all I could do was cry)
But I made a promise that you treasured
I made it back home to you

How I've waited for this moment
To be by your side
Your best friend wrote and told me
You had teardrops in your eyes
Daddy's home your daddy's home to stay
Daddy's home to stay
I'm not a thousand miles away
Daddy's home to stay
I'm gonna be here come what may
Daddy's home to stay...


Good-bye Daddy. My heart aches for you!

Beautiful Rainbow

off-line

The Jasso's have been without DSL for almost 24 hours. For most families this might not seem like such a big deal, but for us... it was hell.

I tried and tried. I called Earthlink and called them again.

Finally we are online. Finally I can check my e-mail (which is my families preferred way to communicate). ahh what bliss!

just blah, blah, blah

I thought I would just go on and on about a few things.

Saturday I left at my usual time for Siobhan's ballet class only to remember as I arrive in downtown Santa Ana that they are celebrating Mexican Independence. Needless to say we were late due to no parking. We had to walk a bit (Siobhan is NOT a distance walker) but we finally made it. After ballet we walked around, rode the merry-go-round, got some free candy and a snow cone. They we headed home to a wonderful sandwich and german potato salad from Matern's German Deli.

I enjoyed my Sims yesterday (most of the day!) Picked up K's friend Kelsey and they went to an Angel's game.

Today Eric took Bradley to soccer and I am waiting for those girls to wake up so we can go do breakfast.

My cousin just told me she is pregnant. I am so excited and can't wait for the baby shower so I can give her a HUGE hug!

My mom, who no longer lives in N. Carolina, and is no in Garden Grove is back working at UCI. I think, honestly, that I saw her more when she lived far away. I am so glad to know that she is near that it makes up for it. (Plus our phone bills are a lot nicer!)

Carol, Eric's mom, is back watching Diego full time, without K and B to help. It is going good. She is doing SO well after her back surgery. She gets around a lot better and seems to be pain free.

My Dad is still sleeping away. The meds he is on makes him really tired. Gabi is working overtime because the meds also make him a pain in the ass (he actually said this!). thanks Gabi!

Krystal and I are planning this annual Torres Christmas party to be held on Dec. 10th. It might seem early to start but I don't know what or how much there is to do. I just want to make sure it is fun and everyone has a good time. (Hmm, I am thinking a keg or two?!)

A coworker quit to go back to get her MSW and my friend Ellen will be taking her place. It will be nice to share an office with her. Let's home we can all get some work done (jk!, all three of us are actually VERY hard workers!)

My niece, Holly, (the only one I have!) is heading to college in San Diego. I wish her the very best. I know she will learn a lot so have a good time too!

I continue to plan for various times of doing nothing, although they only come in small spurts. I have little to do and so much time to do it in, stop, reverse that!

Feel free to let us all know about your day!

Week end

Isn't it funny how sometimes a week seems to last forever? Well, for me, this was one of those weeks. Here I am home early and thankful that I have a couple of days off. Are my wine coolers cold? I have so much to do. I feel like it will never get done!

Can I just add that my little boy has attitude lately? He will stand there and just start crying like he is all pissed off at the world. How mad could he be? He is only 1! There he goes again! I swear if he could talk he would be yelling about something!

Krystal is having a get together for her birthday tomorrow (her birthday WAS last month) but one of her good friends has been out of town. Tomorrow we have Siobhan's ballet class (too cute!) and Sunday Bradley has a soccer game. Sounds as though I have plenty of time to relax between those two things! Hey! Maybe I will even play the Sims 2! yeah, that is what I will do alright! I need to check on them anyway!

Frustrated

auuuggghhhhhhhhh

pics pics pics

Who are those cute kids anyway?

click me, click me

a little laugh for the day!

Bush Library Burns

Crawford, Texas - A tragic fire this morning destroyed
the personal library of President George W. Bush.

The fire began in the presidential bathroom where both
of the books were kept.

Both of his books have been lost.

A presidential spokesman said the President was
devastated, as he had almost finished coloring the
second one.

My newest link

for a blog, check it out..
worldrider


This is Eric's friend and here is a little of what and why he is riding all over:

My mission Simple: to create awareness of the importance of discovering our world and its cultural heritage and supporting humanitarian needs of our world neighbors all in an effort to help make the world a safer place to live and travel. This is my heritage ride. I will bring awareness to UNESCO World Heritage sites and visit local schools along the way and share my experiences and the world and its cultural and historical wonders with children and you ride along with me at worldrider.com.

check it out!

cute kid!

Diego

oh yeah! In the OC

High: 77°
Low: 57°

How true!

apple...

...Diego's newest word. It is now added to, MaMa, Elmo, BaBa (bottle), agua, and a few other almost understandable words. He thinks he is talking all the time, it cracks me up. Did I mention how damn cute that kid is?

I think I will post some pics soon.

TWO kids in high school

What happened? When did I get older? I have two small children, how could I have two big children too? Oh, woe is me! I can't believe it. Bradley's first day of high school. Krystal's first day in 11th grade. Wow! They better do REALLY well this year. Bradley has already spent a couple of hours at the table with homework. K CLAIMS she doesn't have any. OK! We will see.....

sorry for the trouble

sorry for the word verification when you go to post a comment but I am so tired of deleting spam comments. Bastards, do they have to ruin everything?!

Saying good-bye

Tomorrow I will be saying good-bye to a friend at work. She is leaving and going elsewhere. She has been there longer than me (I've been there 6.5 years!) Now there are only 7 people who have been there longer than me and that is out of about 75 people. I will miss her. She directly effects my job so I will really miss her!

Bye Lourdes, hope to see you often! (There is always Happy Hour!)

Summer over yet?

cause I got the electric bill and frankly I am SOOOO ready to keep the air off. It does not help that I have come home at LEAST three times only to find the air conditioning on and one or more windows open. Do you think the electric company keeps teenagers in mind when they read the meter? I didn't think so. I could really go for sweater weather (where we will be turning on the heat, so why bother!)

By the way, I am NOT complaining. Heat and I do not get along. I do not do well with heat. I can think of at least two different times I passed out from heat stroke (sorry that time I scared you Aunt Brenda!) hee hee

Go Diego Go

Siobhan and I just finished watching Go Diego Go. It was cute. I bet there are a lot more kids named Diego in the next year or so. What a cute name!

Labor day without the labor

Eric took the kids for a bike ride. I went to the store briefly (there went my "I am not going anywhere today") but I thought we should eat dinner. I am doing laundry (not fun but not so bad, although I do not like putting it away). We have the air on so the house is comfortable.

I hope everyone else is enjoying an extra day off. Too bad this doesn't happen every week. Eric has his flex on Friday so he only has to work three days this week. He scored! (although he always works at home, at least he doesn't have to GO to work).

The kids start school Thursday. Okay, get this, they have been bugging me, and I mean bugging me, to go get school supplies. (what do they need really?) So today I give Bradley four pens. Do you know what he has the nerve to say? "Why are you giving them to me already, I don't need them until Thursday". Oh my gosh, THREE WEEKS they have been asking to go buy school supplies and here I give him a few pens a few days early, and what the hell am I thinking? If I said it once, I have said it a thousand times, if children were born as teenagers, parents would only have one child!

So, enjoy the rest of your day. Watch something good on tv (no football!) and just remember the work week is shorter!

Mr. Bush, thank God your time is coming to an end

although not soon enough.

Hey, click me!

Please take a look

I have been reading this blog for a while now, Rebekah, please check it out. It is amazing what this little girl and her family are going through. It hurts every time I read it, but now that I know, how can I not? The tears flow freely and I think maybe if there is someone out there, who reads it through my blog, and can help even a little bit, than I have helped. I thank God that my family is heathy and really pray that Rebekah finds the strength she needs to keep fighting. God is watching you Rebekah!

Isn't it amazing

that no matter how much we grow up, some of us never do. We continue to let people down day after day. Believing that we are something we are not, acting as though we have more than we do. Wanting to be happy, but still falling short day after day. Isn't it amazing how you can go day in and day out and never really think about what is important. Not really tell those that you love that you REALLY love them. Letting a loved one leave without a kiss or a hug. Yelling and complaining about things that really aren't important, yet still forgetting to say "I truly do love you. Without you my life would be, nothing, empty."