It wasn't last night, but the night before. I had another dream about my Dad. I went into Costco and he was standing there, looking so handsome. I started crying, couldn't believe he was there. I walked towards him. I stood there crying. Then I woke up.
I tell myself before I fall asleep, "if you have another dream, just hug him". That is all I want. Obviously I can only feel it in a dream, and frankly right now, it will do!
Thanksgiving passed with only a few crying episodes. I try so hard to keep the tears away. I still am not sure why. Christmas will be hell. I am so thankful for my wonderful husband, my beautiful kids and my very loving family and friends who help me everyday.
The hardest will be hearing Christmas songs by Elvis and Harry Belafonte. I will never be able to hear those without hearing my Dad sing along. I loved to hear my Dad sing. At least I am blessed with still hearing him that way.
I miss you Daddy, so much more than I would have ever thought possible. I am beginning to think I have never known pain before.
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